misandrist spells

It’s been a monstrously shitty couple of weeks with regard to misogynistic fuckery, both for me personally and those near and dear to me, and in the world at large. It honestly feels like it is never-fucking-ending, and I’m tired and aggravated and tired of being aggravated. So I took some time and wrote up a few spells for you all. Enjoy, employ. Yours in misandry, and #banmen.

I. In response to catcalling
Prick the pad of the middle finger of your left hand and squeeze a drop of blood onto the pavement.
Spit on it.
Step on a crack with the heel of your left shoe, and with the head of the pin, mark an x.

He will suffer the fate of Regina George at the next intersection, without the partial prom queenship or eventual cathartic lacrosse career.

a. on a bicycle
Continue riding. The first time you ride one handed, your Amazon-like power will be released as a homing missile.

If he is catcalling another of your coven in that moment, he will spontaneously combust. This spell has a dual nature: You will have supported a fellow witch, and he will be charbroiled.

If he is not catcalling another, he will still spontaneously combust, and so will every catcaller in a five block radius.

Continue reading misandrist spells

Photographing the dead

When I was thirteen, I had a friend who used to like to take morbid pictures. She would insist we dress up like corpses, lipstick smeared red across our mouths, our shirts pulled down low, exposing bras filled with more padding than flesh. We took turns perfecting a stare that looked through the camera, through each other. When my mother found the pictures, she cried. She asked me why we did it — why did we want to dress up like the dead. I told her I didn’t know.

I don’t know how true that is. There was something thrilling about it: We were performing possibilities — the gruesome ways we could be hurt, made glamorous through cheap make up and the flash on a disposable camera. We staged them, shot them, bought and paid for them. They were ours.

Continue reading Photographing the dead